I have 37 minutes left in the kid free part of my day.
I just finished washing my brushes after 4 glorious hours in the studio. I began another large piece in which I can use my enormous wing span to pull and dance the paint across the canvas and fill my entire field of vision with vermilion, ochre and blue to fill my soul. I had 40 minutes before I hop in to my taxi service and haul boys. I actually like the one on one time it gives me with them; I just wish I had a few more hours in the day.
I thought about folding the piles of laundry on my dining room table… nah.
I thought about doing the dishes…nah.
Maybe I should brush my hair and look presentable to the world…nah.
Instead I thought I would sit and stuff my face with my precious boys’ Halloween Candy and get back to my blog that I have missed so much.
(I love skittles… it’s true)
This morning, I watched an incredible video of genetically pure Bison be released back onto Soapstone Prairie, just north of here. It was beautiful to see them take off in their mini herd and run free. It brought tears to my eyes, which in all honesty caught me off guard. The wide open landscape; the cheers of the people who must have worked so hard to see that moment; those massive animals running together into their new home, the beautiful Crow Nation Tribal Leaders opening the gate to allow the bison to roam free. It felt so…. I can’t even come up with the right word. It was moving and inspiring.
pause… to eat chocolate….
21 minutes… stare off into the golden trees outside my window….
I was able to then go paint. I felt free, too. I’m so grateful that my husband supports my dream of an artist’s life and a life where I feel like I belong… well as much as this crazy brain of mine allows. I feel like right now in this place, I am exactly where I am meant to be. Of course there are consequences and stresses to being a single income family (and I know there are days when Chris would much rather I had job with a paycheck), but I feel like I contribute in other ways that can’t be described in dollar amounts. And today, I was painting just for me. Not for an upcoming show, a commission or a charity. It was wonderful to get lost in my thoughts and take some deep breaths.
This past weekend, I got to see my oldest son, a freshman run at States with his team for Cross Country. He wasn’t feeling 100% but he sure gave what he had. He has worked hard this past season, stepped up to the challenges, shown dedication and been more than grateful for the experience. He grew up tremendously these past few months. His confidence has grown, his character strengthened, his goals met, friendships made. It has been the biggest joy to watch him experience something he truly loves. I hope that he always holds onto that. I let my art go for so many years and I lost myself. Now a few years after practicing, painting, pushing for the next goal (at my own pace) I know I will never let it go again. It is my freedom. It is my wide open range. (perhaps I live on Rangeview Drive for a reason)
2 minutes… no more candy…
So with this jumbled mess of thoughts, I just want to say thanks to all of you who open the gates for me to be free. You encourage and support me. You honor me by bringing my paintings into your homes. You show up to my art openings with cheers, questions and love. You come to my studio to see where I work. You take the time to read my thoughts. You all are the best and I am so glad to be free to do what I love. Thank you.
AH! Now to find my shoes and keys…. gotta go!