Blind spots

One of my biggest fears is blindness. It is something I can’t begin to comprehend. I don’t trust anyone near my eyes. Not Chris, not my sisters… no one. Going to the eye doctor is a circus show in itself. And ironically enough, one of my not-so-secret dreams is to be a seeing eye dog trainer. I have a whole file that I have been collecting for 18 years. I have a great story that started all of that, but for another day.  Anyway, since I have really begun to put myself, my art and my passions out into the world, I have found myself on a steep learning curve which includes learning a lot about myself. I been forced to admit out loud things about myself that aren’t always comfortable.  I am beginning to see my blind spots… or at least a few of them. And, damn they are hard to keep in focus and bring front and center. Talk about trust! Can I trust myself to open my eyes and see?

Today I began painting with no intention or plan. More like a warm up board. My head was swirling and I couldn’t really make sense of anything. Just keep painting..

 I am getting ready to start the Evolve program with AIR with the hope and determination of getting all of this swirling focused. I have been working on mission statements, goals, introductions etc. I am having to take a good look at where I have been, where I am, and where I want to go and be in 5 years.This is not easy and not something I have ever really done before. I have managed to focus on keeping my hands dirty and avoiding the world (in a career sense) for a long time. Just keep painting….

I wonder what the boys are doing right now… just keep painting.

I have just read the book Quiet by Susan Cain and found a good part of myself explained. Just keep painting…

I love this song! Just keep painting…..

I have met some incredible people in Fort Collins. I am feeling comfortable here. Just keep painting….

Robin’s blog was hilarious and soooo true. … just keep painting.

I miss my Mom. Just keep painting….

Chris called. I asked for support. He said yes. Just keep painting….

I love red. Just keep painting…

Perhaps by keeping my heart open I will be able to open my eyes and see…. not just yet, but perhaps with some focus…eventually.

Blind Spots, self portrait. Oil on Wood. 2013