It is 2 am and I am waiting for the water to boil for a cup of Sleepytime tea. I have been an insomniac for as long as I can remember. Sometimes, I actually don’t mind it and rather enjoy it. For an introvert, the middle of the night is the ultimate quiet time to be alone and ironically can even feel rejuvenating to have such peaceful time to think. I can remember countless nights growing up in the country, watching the moon glide across the pure darkness. The head of my bed was under a west facing window and as long as I could enjoy the beauty of the endless stars and a dog sleeping on my feet, I felt a calmness. Tonight however feels restless and frustrating. I know I need some good rest. I feel anxious and a need for time to process this steep learning curve… mountain…I am on. The past two months of putting myself “out there” have been a vulnerable, exciting, scary, skeptical, validating, interesting, and an intense roller coaster ride.. that I hope has just begun (this coming from the girl who has thrown up on her good friend’s feet on a damn ferris wheel). So much to learn, so much to absorb, so many questions. How can I focus on all of this and focus on my family? I need a switch installed in my brain. Right now, I need to switch it OFF. I am too tired to think clearly.
So I am going to go make a cup of tea. Perhaps go throw rocks at the neighbor’s flood lights… just kidding… I think. And then, go steal a dog off one of the boy’s beds and watch the moon glide westward for awhile. Sweet dreams.