Yesterday was one of those “terrible, awful, no good, very bad days.” I didn’t think it would ever end. The clock slowly moved forward. I couldn’t for any reason talk myself into a different frame of mind. Even though I know both in my head and heart how very precious a day is. The lessons have been long and hard and I know they are far from over. I guess I just needed to be in that place. I needed to feel the intensity and the weight of everything. And it felt like EVERYTHING. It was overwhelming and I couldn’t see a way to take a step away from this spot. I felt trapped. I felt guilty. I felt defeated. I felt sad.
I managed to steal 20 minutes in my art room. My chest unlocked a bit. I can squeak in some air.
On Thursdays we are invited up to the lake near our house for a potluck dinner with the most incredible people. The kids splash and play in the water and we end up sitting in these grand circles soaking it all up. Catching up from the week and waiting for the spectacular sunset that never fails. I wasn’t going to go as I have no poker face. None. I can’t do it. I can muster it a bit when need be, but yesterday it wasn’t going to happen. I so needed out of the house. And, I knew my friends were a safe place to be. It would be okay. So I went.
I took in hugs, ate incredible food and watched the kids dance and splash and play together, silhouetted against the setting sun.
|Photo by Christin Gallagher. Sunset at Long’s Pond June 20, 2013
I was quiet.
I was loved.
I was grateful.
I could feel my chest unlock a little more.
I love the solstices. I love these pivotal days. They are sacred to me. I love how light is celebrated. I am a sun lover. I need it and thrive on it.
Last night, my sweet friend JOYfully, took me aside and said, “I have a solstice gift for you.” And she dropped a beautiful ochre ring made from stone into my hand with the most loving and proud look on her face. I couldn’t find the words to tell her how grateful I was for her and this symbol. This perfectly smooth circle. The color of it spoke to my core reminding me of the light. It slid onto my finger and I felt my chest open more.
I sat rubbing the ring with my thumb as I sat in the grand circle surrounded by this clan of good people. How did I land here?
Ryan then popped over with the tiniest little heart rock. A stunning venetian red color. He dropped it in my hand, gave me a kiss and ran off. I held it in my other hand. It was light as air, but had tremendous weight of love. I felt my chest rise and fall. I can breathe.
I watched a little boy play with my friend who is now an empty nester. Both feeding each other’s souls.
I realized I was completely and totally exhausted. So, I went and got hugs and kisses from everyone and filled up on their love. I now felt drowsy. My feet were heavy as I walked home, but my chest felt lighter.
I kissed my boys goodnight, slipped into my cool sheets and set intentions for today.. the summer solstice. The longest day. Bittersweetness on my tongue but love and light in my heart.
*my day started with the sun peeking in between the space of my curtains… half awake, my phone soon buzzes. It is my sister, Chrissy. She has sent me a text…
“The sun woke me up at 5 this morning…. instead of going back to sleep, I thought of you and got up. Home you enjoy this longest day of the year! XO”
It is going to be a wonderful, lovely, no bad, very good day!!