Yesterday I “took the day off.” It was great. I managed to talk myself into not feeling guilty for not getting much of anything accomplished (but that in itself is a big accomplishment).
I wandered around the yard, read a bit, did a few loads of laundry (which is now a heaping mountain on my dining room table waiting for me), played on some canvases in the studio, took TWO naps, watched a movie, took a bath, meandered to the grocery store for Chris (and bought myself a chocolate bar of which I ate half on the way home and then tucked the other half in my desk….. shhhh.. don’t tell the boys), sent some emails, watched a Ted talk, flipped through a magazine and called it a day. A much needed day off. I should do this every Sunday.
On Saturday, Chris put a new window in our bedroom above our bed where there had just been a wall.
|Chris working to frame in the space for the new window!|
The light that now pours in is wonderful… hence the naps. Our bed, now bathed in that glorious sunlight was just so inviting. I couldn’t resist. So Zander and I had a good snuggle. After my multiple naps it was no surprise that I wouldn’t be able to sleep well last night. But what startled me is that I woke suddenly from a dream that was more of a memory/snapshot of hiding places from my childhood. The sacred crevices of the farmhouse were so clear in my mind and heart. I could see every detail from those spaces that I would tuck away during a game of hide and seek. These games went on for what seemed like hours. I loved it. It gave me a time out to just sit and be quiet and not have to do a thing. One of my favorite spots was under an overhang where my Old English Sheepdog would sleep. She had made a little den and I would crawl in behind her and lay in the cool dirt with her. A feeling of knowing exactly who I am hit me. I need to listen to that young girl more often. She was confident, strong, clever and spent a lot more time alone. I need these time outs. I felt so grateful for remembering. A feeling of home washed over me and it didn’t have to do with a place. It was myself.
Now wide awake, I looked above my head and out the new window. I could see stars! The last time I had a window that I could watch the stars from my bed was in that same farmhouse. I have been an insomniac my whole life. So when I couldn’t sleep and it was a clear night, I would watch the stars. I can’t believe that I get this gift again. I have missed this space and how I feel in it. I feel home again.
* A good friend of mine recently told me when she feels overwhelmed she looks at the stars to get perspective and centered again. She is right. I had forgotten what a comfort they are at 3 am.