Showing up

To my dear friends and family,

It’s up!

My first show in Fort Collins is now hanging. And my paintings are along side Valerie Savarie’s amazing altered books. I feel nervous, proud, excited and…… so very loved.

It is really surreal to me to see my paintings hanging together in an unfamiliar space.

 

My coach asked me last week what success would look like after Friday night. I guess after seeing them hanging, I hope that they evoke an emotion or a memory, and some peace as that is what the process of painting them brings me. And, I hope that there is a wonderful sense of connection in the coming together to share time and space around them. Community. That is important to me and I feel honored to be a part of this one. Through AIR Evolve Class, friendships, mastermind groups, my coach, my huge family, my spunky boys and my endlessly supportive husband, I have reached a goal and overcome some fears with all of the love, advice, and support I have been given.

Earlier this week, my son turned down an opportunity at school, mostly because he was scared to get up in front of others.

I completely 100% get it.

I tried to tell him what a great chance it was and that I thought overall he would not only learn a lot, but have a really good time. He struggled back and forth and back and forth and ultimately decided against it. I was sad for him, but I also understood that his fear is real and super powerful. I know how proud he would have felt if he had gone ahead and just tried no matter if he did well at the project or not. He would have beaten his fear back a bit and opened a new door. But he is 10. It has taken me 40 years to face many of my fears. I hope that I  that I can teach him showing up and pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone has greater rewards than you can imagine. And, I hope that I can keep the conversation going so that he won’t waste decades of opportunities on account of fear.

I have been told I am “brave” (perhaps foolish)  sharing  here like I do. It is a very small fraction of the crazy that runs through my head. A crazy that I am learning to live with and embrace with my heart.  However, showing up here actually makes it easier to live the life I want. It helps me set intentions and holds me accountable. It has been a year since I decided to come out of the cocoon of my basement studio and into your worlds. Sure, sometimes I cringe and blush a bit at how much I share, as it is often more than just what is going on with my art. I hope that by showing you more than just the artist part of me, it helps to paint a picture of where some of my works come from. It’s a risk I am willing to take as it has made my relationships deeper, formed new friendships, opened doors to places I assumed I would never unlock and it feels good to live and paint from a place that is true to my core. Through sharing my joys, flaws, inspirations, failures, moods and adventures, others have reciprocated, making it easier to let go, easier to be in the moment, easier to find peace in reflection, easier to to set goals, easier to just be and be completely fine.  That said, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t lots of hard work involved, fears to constantly overcome or so much more to learn. There are days when the journey feels overwhelming, hopeless and frustrating and I don’t want to show up any more. And, of course there are days when it feels joyful, fulfilling and right. It has been a risk that has taught me so much about myself and rewarded me to have you by my side, helping me to spread my wings. I hope as a mother, I can do for my boys, what you have done for me and they won’t be afraid to go try.

So many thank-yous to all of you who have cheered me forward this past year. You showed up in front of me to pull me along, behind me to kick me in the rear when I need it and along side of me to share and listen. I really appreciate all the love and support you send my way. You  add depth, intention and color to my journey as a an artist and my journey as a human. I am ever grateful. I look forward to seeing  many of you on Friday and for those who cant’ join in the fun, pictures soon to follow! Cheers to you!

Gratefully, Catherine