242… but whose counting?

AH!!!!  A quiet house. The boys are on spring break, but all were invited to various different things today. The stars for this mom have aligned!

It’s been 242 hours since I was alone, but whose counting?

I know there is a lot talk flying around these days about introverts, so I know you’ve probably heard how much being alone is needed. I have been grateful for books like Quiet by Susan Cain that validates what feels so normal to me, yet in our fast moving/high energy world, I often feel so very off kilter. A freak.   It surprises most that I am an introvert, especially since I really do love people which I think is one of the bigger misunderstandings about introverts.  But I also really appreciate being (and need to be) alone.  I love that right now, I can hear the hum of the refrigerator, the ticking of the clock, the whir of the washing machine and the blue spruce branches brushing up against the house. White noise. I know that I need a big reboot when I don’t even want to turn on music. I have turned the phones off because they make me jump a mile high when I am in this quiet space. I feel like my nerve endings are finally getting a break from taking in so much information.  My nights have been restless looking for the time to organize thoughts, projects and life milestones, but with no clarity of a sleep deprived brain, it is just frustrating and at times panic ridden. It is hard to wait for these moments of solitude and even harder to create them. I struggle with feeling entitled and selfish when I take a needed time out to find that peace, but I also know that I have nothing left to give when I don’t. If only I had a gauge like a fuel tank for others to see that I am running on fumes and to please be patient why I go quietly get rid of the tired/bitchy girl who has taken over to protect the one who wants to love and be loved.

So now, this computer too gets turned off for the next few hours and I am going to go get lost in my paints and start filling up my tank again.

What do you do to fill yourself up?


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